Hollow Woman
by K.Missouri
Summary: Alex is a woman who feels nothing but emptiness inside, someone who has dealt with heartbreak, tragedy, depression and even alcoholism. But is it possible for a bright young man to pull her away from her demons? (One-shot; take places during Infidelity)


**Disclaimer**: I don't own Law and Order: SVU. It is the property of its respective owners.

**Title**: Hollow Woman

**Warnings/Themes**: Rated T simply because; takes place during and after Chapter 11 of Infidelity. _Inspired by the song "Pour Me" by Hollywood Undead; not a songfic._

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_I hate being alone. But the only thing that gets me through the night, is the sounds outside. It calms me more than anything._

She was all alone in her apartment, with the sounds of late night Manhattan in the background, her body spread across her bed, was a woman by the name of Alexandra Cabot. A woman who typically battles with herself, more than she does with anything else. Someone who is always alone with her thoughts, which messed with her in so many ways. Tonight was no different than any other night alone, she looked up at the ceiling – it was the only thing she bothered to stare at. And beside her, is an empty beer bottle – it was as hollow as she was.

_My mind is telling me to drink a beer, but why should I drink when I feel so empty? Maybe that's why my body is preventing me from getting up._

She never fell to sleep when she's depressed, because it always filled her head with negative thoughts; typically some that made her believe that there is no purpose in waking up. She never drank when she was angry or sad either, all it does is wither away at what is left of her. She turned her head to the window, looking outside to see what was out there; but it was just another clear night in the _city that never sleeps_. She closed her eyes, and went back to the days where she the most happy – it calmed her and helped her sleep.

_I always anticipate the next day. Because I know that I managed to make it another day._

Alex sat at her desk at work – but she was not in the District Attorney's office. She was now a detective, something she always envisioned herself as when she was younger. She felt robbed that she spent all that time as a criminal prosecutor, which drained every single drop of who she used to be, and what she wanted to be. From an ADA, to Bureau Chief, back to an ADA, and lastly – a detective, she tried to analyze her adult life and tried to determine if it was all for nothing. She had no answer to that.

Sitting by one of her partners, she leaned back and fourth in her office chair. She played around with her badge, placing her finger slowly on the numbers on the badge. She felt a slight accomplishment for making this far in life, with her detective badge now placed back on the left side of her hip, with her gun strapped on the other side, she felt a little fulfillment – but it was short lasting. Overall, though her career has changed in the past few years, her attire has not.

_I though drinking could hold me for a while, but it only broke me down._

A dark demon in her past, would be the fact that she used to drink. And by drink, she meant _drink_. After her devastating break-up, she felt alone – even more than ever. But it wasn't any different from her past relationships; one night, she turned to the bottle. Since than night, she would hide away and drink a few at work, thinking no one could see her. That was the time where she would slowly get addicted; her life, her home, her job was slowly crashing in on her. But a revelation caused her to stop drinking, after realizing that alcohol did not cure her heartbreak, but merely made her more depressed than ever.

The day she stopped drinking out of depression and rage, was the day that shined light on her life. However, whenever she heard _her_ name, she was first filled with sorrow, but now she is filled up with anger. But she could contain herself good enough to assure that she didn't act on it. Since then, she looked up to her current commander – a former alcoholic; he gave her motivation to show that there was a much bigger and brighter world out there than a life with alcoholism.

_I'll never allow anyone to see me in a bad mood._

Another strong suit of hers, is that she never allowed her emotions to come out by any means necessary. She expressed her feelings alone, and whenever seen in public, she was a whole different person. Nobody has ever came to her and asked what was wrong, because they have never seen her in such a way. That was the same reason why she refused to allow anybody to see her cry, she did not want another person's pity; it was also why she never wanted to see another person cry. Alex always wanted to make sure nobody shed a tear, especially for her.

_I'll always remain strong throughout the tough times, I want to be the leader who has no worries, the heroine that shows no fear. I will be fearless._

Alex was a fearless person. Even when her life was in danger, she raised her head up and walked through it without a sign. During the days in witness protection, was perhaps the most saddening of all. A woman who was living a false life, with everything ripped away from her. Her job, her friends, her home, and even her family. Alone, she started to cry because she regretted ever taking that case. She wished that she could have told them to let her mother know that she was still alive. But as far as her mother goes, she died with the false realization that her own daughter was dead.

She hated them. She hates drugs, because of them. That was why she became a narcotics detective, to rid drugs away from society and to ensure that nobody has to endure the pain she went through. Every morning, she stared at the mirror, and promised to herself that she will remain fearless throughout the rest of her days. It is unexplained why she transferred to Special Victims, but it is probably because she wanted to show victims to remain fearless – even through tough times.

_He changed my life, a lot more than I changed his._

The day Alex met _Suzaku Kururugi_, was the day her life changed drastically. She knew first hand that he himself has lost almost as much as her, which hurt her more than anything. A kind young man, who has lost everything from his parents, to his girlfriend, saddened her. He had a lot more life ahead of him, compared to her own. She aimed to be the mother he never had, the friend that he needed the most, and the woman to fill his life with joy.

Alex doesn't love him in a romantic way. She couldn't imagine herself with someone like him, because she saw herself as merely a maternal figure to him – or the very least, a friend. By age, they were separated by 22 years, making her old enough to be his mother. But for some reason, he shined light on her life. He made her realize that life is short and precious, and that it was important to cherish every moment. She couldn't bare to let him become her, but wanted to assure that he had something to look forward too in the future.

In short, she had someone to fight for, rather than fighting herself.

_I'll protect him, no matter what. Even if it means that I might be at risk._

On what was a simple day in the SVU squad room, Alex did maybe the most courageous thing she has ever done. _She saved his life_, unfortunately it was at the cost of her own. That showed proof that she would do anything to keep him safe and sound. The squad room instantly went in turmoil, as they just witnessed one of their own save his life. Her vision was slowly fading, her body was cold and numb and her blood spread all across her.

It stained her clothes, Suzaku's hands, the floor, and even her glasses were stained in her blood. She was still alive, but with two bullets in her chest, there was no telling what would happen next. She could distinctively hear the ambulance come by, tears and screaming, and the countless ramblings from the officers in the precinct. As they tried to keep her alive, she was once again alone in her head with only her thoughts. Everything comes with a price.

_I may be on the verge of death, but if it's to save someone that I care about deeply and dearly, then it's worth it. But I hope that it's not the end._

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**End.**

_**As Infidelity is expected to return next Monday, I decided to write a one-shot in anticipation. Hopefully, you decide to read it but I'm happy you took the time to read this. Peace.**_


End file.
